Bookclub of One – Making Room in Our Hearts

Making Room in Our Hearts – Keeping Family Ties through Open Adoption by Micky Duxbury definitely does not have the fabulous irreverence of The Kid by Dan Savage, but it shares the same honesty and insight that I’m learning lots from. Definitely one for the whole family to read. It really highlights why open adoption is a good choice.

On our end, progress toward even picking an agency seems to be faltering though not our desire to grow our family. When I look at agencies like Nebraskan Childrens Home or Spence Chapin, whose fees are minimal, at least relatively, I have to wonder why the national non-profit agencies we’re looking at end up costing so much. Both Spence Chapin and Nebraskan Childrens Home successfully counsel most of their expectant mothers and fathers to parent as opposed to placing for adoption where appropriate. They both provide care services for children beyond birth and beyond counseling. They both rely upon the kindness of donors to maintain these excellent services, so where is the money going in the other agencies? I think it is going to national marketing, maybe? If the tax credit associated with adoption disappears (it is supposed to end 2010) we won’t be in a financial position to consider these national agencies. I think I need about a two week time period just to sit down and go through all the stuff.

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6 Comments

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6 responses to “Bookclub of One – Making Room in Our Hearts

  1. It is a hard decision and one you need to consider carefully. National marketing is definately important, but so is the right counseling for all parties. It sounds like you’re doing your research. Let me know if I can help.
    B.

  2. Rachel

    I just saw this post about a very successful adoption (technically “closed” but opened up by the two families later on). Very inspiring!
    http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/commonground/2009/11/24/birthmotherhood

  3. I found you in my statcounter and came by to say hello. 🙂 I disagree that national advertising is a must-have in an agency, especially if you’re hoping for openness. We knew we wanted to match with someone in-state because we didn’t want travel to be an issue financially or time-wise. How realistic would visits be if we had to get on a plane or drive several hours to see each other? So we knew we wanted a match in Ohio and while my husband originally was worried that being in the same city would be too close, once he met Pennie he knew it’d be fine. But agency choices? Not as great as they should be.

    • Why thanks Dawn! Good to see you here. I pop in on your blog and love what I see there!

      Your point about about proximity facilitating a relationship is extremely valid. Sometimes I feel that despite being in a city of a million people Tucson is still kind of out there in the middle of nowhere. 130 miles from the next city of size, Phoenix. So, I worry that is not a large enough catchment area. We’d prefer to match with an in-state expectant mother, or one who has strong ties here, or maybe to a state we have family in or visit a lot. California, New Mexico, Colorado, or Nebraska all spring to mind. I really liked the feel I got from Open Adoption and Family Services in Oregon, but Green and I both questioned if that would best serve the openness that we hope for. Their expectant parents are almost entirely from Oregon and Washington. My best first mother friend (phew, that was a mouthful) gave me the name of the small agency she worked with and we have a call in there, but yes, good local agencies are hard to find.

  4. Well, I mostly stick to the forums sponsered by our agency now. Unfortunately, you have to be a client of IAC to use them.

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