Feeling like Rubbish and Wondering What I Need to Chuck Out

I think that there must be so much mucus in my head that my brain synapses have just ceased up. I look like bloody Rudolph too, my nose is so red. Actually, I’m seriously contemplating how much weight gain from this week I can attribute to blocked sinuses and snot.

Yesterday, after feeling pretty damn rough for several days, I decided I was up to riding my bike into work (that was after getting on the scales and being scared silly to see the numbers go up, not down). The ride started off well, but then five minutes in I decide to take the ‘proper’ bike route and get promptly lost. Now, for those of you who don’t know me particularly well I should share that I’ve lived the majority of the past 21 years in Tucson, almost 13 years in this house. I know the neighbourhood. I ride to work three times a week on average. It is a pretty straight path. Yet, here I was trying to orientate myself using the mountains and still getting turned around. This seems pretty symptomatic of my life right now. It just feels a bit turned around and stuffed up. It doesn’t help that the house is a disaster zone.

Karen at The Rubbish Diet is focusing on decluttering this week. We’ve been decluttering for about a month now, and I just feel like we’re beginning to scratch the surface. I’m heinously far behind with my Rubbish Diet though and won’t be attempting the zero waste week for a few more weeks, after the renovation is finished. We’re still trying to apply her principles though and for the most part our trash output is consistently down, but our recycle bin is overflowing. I’m pleased that we’ve identified more things we can recycle, but consumption needs to decrease dramatically too.

The decluttering is part of a larger project to remodel the front bedroom/office as a psychological step we I feel we need to do before we dive completely into the adoption process. I know the home study isn’t a study really of your house, but really of your home, but still…

In fact, redecorating/remodeling (?) the living room was so we could move stuff in there and work on the front room. (Which reminds me: Sonchia, there is a honking desk in the living room right now that obliterates any good perspective on the room from the position I took the before image. When we get it out of the way I’ll take a picture. It was there when we got back from the UK. Did I mention Bean and I went to the UK last week? We did. A quick trip to see my mum following the death of my Gran. See, what I mean? Life just seems to be rather askew right now and not simple and calm at all.) Because I have no shame I’m willing to share a photo from last night of the front bedroom that we hope to start actual work on soon. I’ve been moving stuff out of this room and its closet forever it seems like, and now just have to sort out the last remnants of the closet. Just so you know, it didn’t have crap all over the floor before the furniture was moved out, well at least not most of the time.

Major Clutter

We’re re-flooring it like we did Bean’s bedroom with Plyboo, painting it, new wiring, new curtains, and instead of a big bed, there will be a sofa bed. The goal is to have a room that we can view as a guest room/office, but will be easily convertible into a child’s room if we are that lucky. But before we can actually get to work on this, I have to get the junk out AND we need to finish the chicken coop. Thank goodness for wonderful in-laws who are in town and helping, or indeed leading the charge on these things. Check out the chicken coop (Thanks to my father in-law):
Chicken Coop from the South plus Huxley

I wonder now how unaware we were of this craziness when we were children. Did it exist then? I think back to Italy, which despite crazy hours split between taking care of Bean and working into the wee hours I still had more down time than here. I wonder whether I will ever feel on top of things. I will, right? How about you? How do you manage everything? Is there something we should be letting go of?

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6 Comments

Filed under Navigation of Dangerous Water (Parenting), Remodeling

6 responses to “Feeling like Rubbish and Wondering What I Need to Chuck Out

  1. A ancient mum

    Stop being a perfectionist. You do lots of wonderful things. One example, is that of all your Gran’s grandchildren, you visited the most, even tho you lived thousands of miles away. You demand too much of yourself. Lower the targets. And plan the visit to Ireland, where they have this down to a fine art.

  2. Rachel Fudge

    Hmm, the lady has a point. 🙂 Definitely let go of the perfectionism (I know, I know, easier said than done).

    I get these feelings a couple times a year, of wanting to clear out the clutter, both physical and mental. Sadly, it never lasts for long but I think it’s a very common feeling, especially when we’re overwhelmed.

  3. Erika

    you are a super woman and a super mom, so you don’t need to be Super Woman. the others are right, you do so much already!!

  4. Mum

    And – even ancient mums felt this 40 years ago. Being so tired, wanting the best for everyone and feeling like a failure.

  5. My husband is from Norway and after knowing his family for nearly 15 years I can say with confidence that the Europeans have the whole work-life balance thing figured out. I wish I had some answers…

    But that chicken coop is awesome! Please post more pics when the girls are all moved in?

  6. A friend commented that it’s not about balance, rather about harmony.

    That help everything fall in line for me. Balancing it all is hard, but I can expend a little more energy over here, and then pick up some slack on this bit, then bounce over there, where it looks like it needs some attention.

    It’s rarely well choreographed, and yet there’s a certain rhythm to it all.

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