An Epiphany

So remember the “What are you going to do now?” questions? I’m still getting them and I’m still struggling a little to respond. Partly because, after a full five weeks of being out of the formal workplace I’m not achieving as much in a day as I thought I would. I’m not exactly quite sure where the day goes. I mean, I do know. I have lists of things to do each day. I needed a little reflection on how I’m spending my new found time:

-About 2 hours a day is dedicated to riding to cardiac rehab and back. Now before you get all impressed at my dedication to exercise, the bike ride is only about 20 minutes each way, and a not insignificant portion of time at rehab is spent talking to the ol’ geezers rather than actually exercising.

-Bean is at preschool, but for about 2.5 hours less than she used to be. Now, I pick her up and off we go and do something. Yesterday we went to the library. Today we went and tried out bikes at the local bike store. Then we leisurely return to the house, no longer rushing to get dinner ready, bath and get to bed. Oh, it is so much more fun.

So we’ve accounted for about half the work day and I’m doing fun and appropriate stuff, but what about the other 4-6 hours I used to spend working? Cleaning the chicken coop, thinning seeds in the garden, cooking from scratch, a doctor’s appointment here and there, doing the bills. These are all things, with the exception of the cooking from scratch and keeping a veggie garden, that we had to do before. The truth is we were only sort of getting them done. Things were done in a hurry. Some things weren’t getting done at all (taxes – eek! They were the first thing I did). Some things are still not getting done (adoption paperwork), but we’re inching closer.

The biggest change has to be this, I feel present.
Other changes are afoot too: We talk more. I get sleep and feel stronger. Being patient with my 3 almost 4 year old is easier, finding joy with my 3 almost 4 year old happens even more than before.
The epiphany is it isn’t how many things I get to check off my list that matter, it is how present I am when I’m doing them, and how much more present I am now for Green, Bean and for me. And I think that was part of the original goal right? I can see places opening up to do the things I’m passionate about, and I feel incredibly grateful to be in this position.
Talking about being present, I’m mid-peppermint bark preparation. Yeah, yeah, still working on the being present thing. Goodnight.

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4 Comments

Filed under Elusive Balance

4 responses to “An Epiphany

  1. On the weekends, or when I have a day off I always wonder where the day goes –
    I think that when you talk about that the biggest change is you feel present, not rushed, appreciating the moment etc…that is why you are doing this.
    I am so happy for you!

  2. This is such a wonderful realization. Yay! I am really happy for you…and a little bit sorry for my rushed and not-present-enought self. Sniff!

  3. You’ve expressed this far better than I could’ve. Not working for the past 3 months has lower me to feel less rushed, more present in my family’s lives too and I’ve rejoiced in that!

    I’m so happy for you & your family that this arrangement is working out!

  4. Oh, it sounds lovely and decompressed and very hippy-dippy! I am so happy for you. Happy New Year! I hope to see you in person again soon. In the mean time I hope to have a bit more time to keep up with your blog again now that the holidays have gracefully passed. XO

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