Home Study Visits in Review

Why on earth did I have my knickers in such a twist? Really? She came. She talked. She listened. She took a tour of the house led by Bean. The dog didn’t yap incessantly, but laid by her feet or on the sofa being petted, being the best little puppy a family could ask for. The cats meowed and presented themselves for petting, but not annoyingly so. They were all their best selves, and hopefully we were too. Bean was awesome and enthusiastic, but awesome enough to act out a little so we could demonstrate dealing with a preschooler. No way you’re getting off to preschool in the morning without a little drama, especially if your kid has the kind of hair that mats overnight into clumps of impenetrable carpeting.

She prompted us to think, and to discuss. Just how could our children disappoint us? I expect the *right* answer is that they couldn’t, but neither Green nor I answered that way. It wouldn’t have been honest. How would you answer? Could your children disappoint you? Green’s answer was better than mine, I couldn’t get past the loaded nature of the question and semantics. We both discussed it in terms of who they come to be as adults and how they treat people and the disappointment being directed at ourselves for our parenting failures. What we both felt was implicit, but didn’t articulate was that none of these feelings preclude loving your child.

Green surprised me with his emotion and honestly with his answers in the joint interview. I had to get up and walk away at one point for fear that I might become emotional watching him be emotional. I know he listens to me, but apparently my incessant chatter for the past few years about open adoption has been listened to AND processed. I mean, I knew it had, but I hadn’t given him credit for how articulate he could be on the topic. And because it is Green, how passionate he was about it. I love how he has strong convictions and stands by them. That characteristic was part of the attraction way back when too. (Got to love a man who stands up to those who sexually harass or are sexist when he sees and recognizes those actions. Good God, I am one lucky woman.)

So now it is a waiting game. Waiting for the report to be written, waiting for the judge to review and hopefully approve. Writing and writing, filling out more and more forms, attending another workshop in California at the end of the summer and then waiting some more. Waiting, for expectant parents to decide that they do not want or can not parent. It feels awful to be waiting for someone to make that difficult choice, but it is their right to make that choice and there are multiple situations I can imagine where that would be the choice. Okay, getting heavy here again. Anyway, just to prove our house was clean (Although because we live in the desert, by 4pm when she arrived on Monday a layer of dust had settled on all the surfaces despite being dusted just 4 hours or so before here are some pictures taken a few days later (See Mum, I kept it clean.Maybe we should have dusted before she came back another day for the first thing in the morning visit, but we didn’t) Note, I also have to practice taking interior shots. I have no idea what I’m doing. Rebecca, didn’t you guys find something about interior shots? Melissa, thoughts?

A weird shot of the living room floor toward the dining room. Note that clean dog hair tumbleweed free floor! Oh and a couple of new pictures on the walls. Please note we do have chairs and a sofa:

I debated putting this picture up before the home visit. Would they think us odd? Americans can be a bit funny about the whole human body thing. I bought it a while back after seeing this featured in an apartment therapy home tour that Portland Sunshine linked to (she has such fabulous fun taste.) The original one reminds me of the images in a “Where do babies come from” book that my brother and I had as kids. Isak

Yes, I’m sharing a picture of our bathroom with you. Don’t you like to being nosy around other people’s houses? I shouldn’t admit it? Oops. Oh well, at least I put the toilet seat down.

This shot is for anyone who has been in our home in the past few years, the mudroom without junk on the cupboards. I planned to redo the shelves in the fabric cupboard, but there wasn’t time. Mmmmm fabric. Mmmmm yarn.

I think the lady liked our yard. Perhaps was surprised by it. You can’t tell how large it is from this shot, but the house is so modest, the yard is such a pleasant surprise. Oh, and for those from elsewhere, this is what green looks like in the Arizona Southwest.

There are more, but for next time perhaps.



Filed under Adoption, Domestic Diva, Grow Garden Grow, Homestudy, Remodeling

11 responses to “Home Study Visits in Review

  1. KC

    I enjoyed looking at your house! I love the fabric cupboard. Perfect way to keep the fabric out of the way but still on view!

  2. Cheryl Ryan

    Very, very nice. The house and yard look fantastic. Good luck and best wishes for speedy processing on the adoption.

  3. Looks great! I hate that teenagers get pregnant in the back seat of a car and become parents, yet adoptive parents have to put their entire life up for review before someone else deems them acceptable. I’m optimistic this will go your way…with a little patience, of course!

    • Leah, thanks for the good wishes. You know, I actually don’t mind this too much. If someone is going to entrust their baby to us to parent that is huge. Demonstrating that we have thought about how we will parent, how we will face difficult decisions, how we will care for this child and provide stability, emotionally and financially is really okay. It seems a little big brother to ask everyone who wants a family to do that, but it is tempting. I’m not quite sure what I think about this, or what it implies, but the average age of a woman placing a child for adoption is no longer the stereotypical pregnant teen, but someone in their mid-late twenties, often already with children.

  4. Good god! Is that your house? You have done so much work on it, AMAZING! It’s time for us to start saving up for a trip back to Tucson, that is for certain.

    With regard to the home visits, I am certain that your sincerity, intelligence, and compassion for humanity were salient. I think about your family all the time, and hope for the best.

  5. What great taste, and I love the yard. Yes, there could be lots of patio wine drinking and conversation going on there!

  6. What a lovely home you have! Your photos of it convey a loving, smart, interesting and fun family!! Thanks for sharing the shots; I feel like I know you a bit better now.

    I am eager to learn more about how you are processing the process!

  7. thanks for the shout out! and what a lovely home!!! keep updates coming! exciting.

  8. your house is beautiful. the bodies picture is so cute that if it turns up missing you can go ahead and wonder if i cat burgled it! and i am going to venture to say that the woman was impressed by much more than your yard. ❤

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