One of the questions that the various adoption agencies ask in one form or another is if you have a child already what is their knowledge and response to adoption? At four, Bean’s understanding is pretty limited. She has good friends that are adopted, classmates that are adopted, neighbors and family who were adopted. There are within our friends first moms, but this hasn’t been part of the conversation for Bean and of course there are adoptive parents too. She knows she grew in my body, but with adoption her possible little brother or sister grew in another mother’s womb, but that isn’t really what I wanted to talk about right now.
Last weekend we had one of Bean’s preschool friends and his parents over for dinner. We connected because I had found out that they were adopting too, using the same agency as us and were much further along. It was an amazing evening from our perspective. They’re funny, warm and seriously brilliant and I feel so fortunate to be able to tap into their insights. They gave us much to think about and to discuss, but they also provided reassurance. One parent is themselves adopted and without going into their story as it is theirs to tell, it was amazing to hear their perspectives on adoption especially on openness. I’m not sure we provided them with anything other than dinner and hopefully passable company for the evening, but they provided us with a wealth of information. Tonight as I recollect the evening I’m struck by how many people in Bean’s life are adopted both adults and children, our friends and our family. I wonder if this wasn’t always the way.
I talked to my Best First Mom recently (Our calls to one another are infrequent these days, every 6 mths, every 12mths, but then long, very long, several hours long. And it is like we’re just around the corner from one another and I love that.) I told her we were moving along with the adoption. There is so much out there on the web about adoption. It isn’t that I ignore it, (Good God I’ve spent weeks maybe months reading about adoption from the adopted child/adult, first parent and adopting parent perspective) but as I talk with her, our family and friends who have been adopted, those who placed their baby or those who have adopted, and our new friends who are in the process of adoption I realize that I need to value their opinions more than random stuff on the web. Not ignore the random stuff, just place greater stock in those I know.